Active listening response

I have recently found the need to practice my active listening and response methods in my Mediation class as SJSU. On the one hand it is ver important to be making sure things are heard correctly and that every one has felt like they are given a chance to really be understood, on the other hand there are times when using specific techniques to get there are going to back fire. These listening response methods are all very good in theory, but they have a very specific tone to them that can be heard by a defensive listener or party. When someone recognizes this tone, they are likely to feel like there is a trick being used on them. For instance I was having a debate with my roommate recently who was very upset and in an attempt to make sure we were being productive I decided to paraphrase by saying, "so what I'm hearing you say is..." well that went over like a fart in church. She said, "don't use that crap on me. You heard me just fine." and the conversation was over. Once someone thinks you are trying to use things on them they may lose faith or trust in your process.