CMC

CMC is very different than face to face communication and in many ways that are not as obvious as things like the absents of nonverbal cues. One thing that i like about CMC is that there is a lot more time to respond to messages. This can often lead to more thought out responses that might otherwise be hasty. Time gives you more time to think and even a chance to read and respond at a time when you are in a better mood or have less distraction. I know I write better and am in a better mood when I am at home, so most of my computer communication brings out a better side of me. People who know me online might guess me to be more sophisticated than people who are meeting me in person.

Another big plus for me in the realm of CMC vs face to face is the fewer instances of fundamental attribution error. I think we make a lot more judgments about people's character than we know. When we see a certain type of clothing or hear a way of speaking we tend to attribute that to a persons character unfairly. This can be a big distraction. This reminds me of my 7th grade year of school year when I switched from a uniformed catholic school to a public one. I had always heard that we were wearing uniforms because free dress was a distraction, but I never knew it to be true until I was a victim of this distraction. I was not a very well liked person in my school and often teased for my clothing. It took a long time to make friends because my classmates assumed I was weird just for dressing a certain way. These particular mistakes of character are not made in computer based communication.  

Active listening response

I have recently found the need to practice my active listening and response methods in my Mediation class as SJSU. On the one hand it is ver important to be making sure things are heard correctly and that every one has felt like they are given a chance to really be understood, on the other hand there are times when using specific techniques to get there are going to back fire. These listening response methods are all very good in theory, but they have a very specific tone to them that can be heard by a defensive listener or party. When someone recognizes this tone, they are likely to feel like there is a trick being used on them. For instance I was having a debate with my roommate recently who was very upset and in an attempt to make sure we were being productive I decided to paraphrase by saying, "so what I'm hearing you say is..." well that went over like a fart in church. She said, "don't use that crap on me. You heard me just fine." and the conversation was over. Once someone thinks you are trying to use things on them they may lose faith or trust in your process.

In one ear and out the other

In have very selective listening pretty much all the time. Mostly it's when I am watching a movie that is not of much interest, but it helped me understand something. I am the person who is always asking. "what did she do to him?" or "what just happened?" things like that. It's because I have no interest. So not I know that when somebody is asking me a bunch of questions during a movie, maybe they don't really like it that much. I may want to pause is and just recap all of whats happened so far. That way there is a chance they (me) could gain some interest.
 I check out a lot when people are talking to me about a subject that I don't care about. It is the same as the movie thing. I just don't care. It's happens a lot when people try to explain or retell a funny scene from a show or youtube video. You had to be there. It's never funny when they retell it. I check out right when they say have you seen...? I'm done at that point.

Listening Makes Mt Brain Hurt

Unless it's  a good looking man, I find it very hard to listen to people in general. Unless the material pertains to me, I'm checked out in some way. I'm not a selfish person, just surrounded by a lot of conversation where there is no real end game or point to what is being said.
Recently I found it particularly hard to listen to a student of mine who was telling me a family story. Actually  this reminds me that I should probably apologize to her for cutting her off. When we have down time in class it gives students a chance to chatter while others are catching up to the rest of the work. On this day, I had a student who told me the longest story ever about her family and trips to the bingo hall. It was easy to hear the information and assign it meaning on a few levels, and it was easy to evaluate and pick out what the point may have been. It was hardest in this situation, and others like it, to give feedback. Because I don't really have and interest in what is being said, and because these people are long winded, I have trouble responding because I don't want the conversation to continue. I'm not quite sure how to overcome it while maintaining the relationship and being professional, but I do have a few ideas. I think, for one, that this type of interaction might be due to a lack of attention in other areas. If  I give these students more praise and attention in class, they may feel less of a need to grab attention during out down time. More immediately, I suppose I could just ask her, "what do people usually say when you tell them this story?"
It could offer up a good idea while letting her know that I would rather talk about a mutual topic during class.

Girl Power

I love what the book has to say about sex-role stereotyping. Expectations that women should act like subordinates and men should act like leaders is a big misfortune in the work place, relationships, and teams. I am lucky enough to be in a female dominated work field, so i get to see women rise to the occasion quite often, and men in our industry tend to take a back seat as  us women get over dramatic and sensitive to issue all day long. The cooler thing, however, is that studies show that women are better at motivating groups and producing hi-quality work that men. If natural selection is indeed a truism, then women under these circumstances will eventually dominate the world of CEOs in this country  An exciting thing to consider. The only thing that may hold us back is the unfortunate stereotyping that puts women under the umbrella of subordinates. No need to be alarmed boys, with women as bosses, you may get to learn a few tricks about being reading social cues and and listening to others as the book mentions these two things as marks for women.

Space and Time

Proxemics and Chronemics are how we use space and time. In both cases there are concepts and theories as to how we can manipulate a situation with time and space. In proxemics, we get to decide how we can use the space around us to help you achieve a goal. For instance, in teaching we can use both of these concepts to organize a class and be more effective. During a discussion based class, I can set up the room in a circle so that we can engage each other when we are talking as a group and get verbal as well
as nonverbal cues from the class. When I want a classroom to set up, I can tell my students that they only have a certain amount of time to get that task done. Time limits get things done faster. One rule of time we hear is the 80/20 rule. 80% of the work gets done in the last 20% of the time. So when projects are assigned, teachers can keep this in mind. in proxemics, we can think about what the best space is for the numbers in each group or to create a comfortable space for people to work together. One study of proxemics suggest there are predictions we make about how close someone will stand to us and when those expectations are not met, it effects our decisions. These rules of space and time are not general across cultures, but they do exist in every culture and if you don't follow along when you are in a different or unfamiliar culture, you could get an unfavorable response from the locals.

Principals of Nonverbal Communication

Principal number 7 is women are more sensitive than men to nonverbal cues. This is no surprize as all to most people. We have all been around enough women to know that they are more sensitiv eto just about everything and it can be a bit overwhelming and hard to deal with at times. In a small group setting however, this can come in handy. When it comes to making decisions in a group, a woman might b emore likely to pick up on a cue that someone is uncomfortable with an assignment. Furthermore, a woman may have been noticing enough nonverbal cues in getting to know a group to make wise decisions about who may work best together based on chemistry as well as skill. There are notations in the book that state that chemisrty and comfort can be the key to a groups success, so this sensitivity to cues may be the key ingredient to the recipe for comfort among group members.

The first rule of nonverbal communication is that it impacts the quality of our relationships. This can be happening all the time. I know there are times in a meeting when someone is talking about a topis that doesnot pertain to the meeting or has an idea that, quite frankly, sucks, I see people rolling their eyes and leaning back out of the conversation to signal disinterest. This can be discouraging and if it is a woman, you know she is going to notice. If we take time to send cues of affirmation, we could build better relationships and trust among our group. Making sure we stay engaged and make eye contact with the speaker lets them know we care about what they are saying and we are a person they can rely on for support in future decisions and ideas.